Not So Happy Veteran's Day

For the first time since being off active duty, I got Veteran's Day as a holiday. AND the kids had to go to school! My mom and I made plans for the day and were enjoying a nice lunch when the elementary school called....NOOOOO! This is MY holiday! YOU deal with it! But I answered it anyway....

Seems Miss H was feeling a little off-kilter yesterday and when made to move her desk away from other students for disrupting, she'd had enough. She asked to go to the restroom, WAS ALLOWED TO GO ALONE, and instead slipped out a side door, squeezed through a locked gate, and took off for home. A parent just happened to be leaving the school when she saw Miss H be-bopping down the road. She pulls up to her and asks where she is going. Miss H answers "No where..." Then the well intentioned but insane lady tells my daughter to get in the car (????) so she can take her back to school. So Miss H bolts. My neighbor, remember our old babysitter, happened to be outside when she saw Miss H. She calls her over and H goes into a story about how we are going out of town and she was going home so we could leave. My neighbor, knowing this sounded fishy, takes Miss H by the hand and they start walking to my our house. Just strolling and talking, all very calm. Then previous lady comes pulling up as does a second lady saying the school was coming for her. The first lady had called the school after her encounter with H. The principle and the school nurse were driving around looking for her. When H heard this, she bolted again. By the time the principle found her at our house, she was cornered into our back fence and the two over-achieving PTA moms were approaching her on foot. The principle, who I have not had confidence in his common sense formerly, smartly made these women retreat. He slowly approached H telling her he knows she is scared and she isn't in trouble. With some conversation and an act of congress, H got into the truck with the principle and the (female) school nurse to go back to school. She stayed the remainder of the day in the office.

She and I talked last night about a lot of things. I know talking is mostly pointless but if only a little gets through, it's worth it. I had been downplaying the incident and just had said I was proud of her for not getting in the car with a stranger but disappointed that she had placed herself in a dangerous situation and worried everyone. I had her lie down and read for awhile to "relax" after such an excitement filled day. Other than that, nothing. She crawled up next to me last night after trying for hours to help me with chores, trying to give me a million hugs, trying to make it all ok. She said it seemed like I wasn't worried and didn't care. I explained that I can't let her think her behaviors will get her the attention she wants because I DO care and love her so much. If I give her attention for those behaviors, then they will continue and she will still put herself in dangerous situations and continue to self harm. I have to try really, really hard to hide how scared I get to PROTECT her. That I hope she will one day realize she gets so much more attention for just being herself. That I love her because she is my daughter and she doesn't have to DO anything. But those inappropriate behaviors will NOT be getting my attention. I know she'll still try and things aren't magically going to change overnight, but I will keep proving what I say on bad days and giving her loads of attention on her regulated days.