Changes with the Season

Soooo, it's been a little slow in my blogland...sorry about that. Not due to a lack of things to write about though. Just a sense of not knowing what to say: Dear everyone, This Sucks! The end. So I had to quit hanging by my fingertips and once again pull myself back up on that cliff. And here I am.

So let's see.....

First off, my RADlings are now officially medicated. One for anxiety and one for depression. Little Miss Anxiety hasn't shown any changes which doesn't surprise me. I knew there would need to be some tweaking in dosage but the great part is NO side effects! Glad we don't have to try 10 scripts before finding one. Mr Depression, shut down, hold everything in is now Mr pinging off the walls, smart-mouth, more intrusive than ever! BUT, and this is a big but, I can point out the ketchup on his chin or his hair sticking up and he.will.laugh. LAUGH! Not shut down, not pull away for the next hour, he will laugh it off.

Next, I have a job. EMPLOYMENT!!! Actually I am back at my old job, the same desk, same co-workers, just different company. But I am getting a paycheck and benefits again so no complaints.

My mom moved closer to us. She is in the next town over now, about 15 minutes away. My dad is still in Austin when he works his 12 hour shifts. The rest of the time he is with mom. She cares for my little one during the day, picks the other two up at school, has dinner ready when I get there, takes them to dentist appts, and all for the price of our last crappy babysitter....I KNOW!! That is a HUGE stress lifted! I am blessed!!

There have been some major improvements with M just since the beginning of summer. I've seen him taking a couple steps backward in the past couple of weeks but I am taking it in stride and hoping, HOPING, that we are experiencing actual healing. Where there will be fewer RAD moments (weeks) and more non-RAD moments (months). Then I can just have a typical smart-mouthed, testosterone driven, 6 ft tall teen aged boy! ummm, woo...hoo?

H isn't getting better. Not that she can't or won't. It seems to be getting worse but I keep reminding myself that so did M - about her same age. Her behaviors are just so IN YOUR FACE compared to his. So in everyone's face. My 3 year old can tell when H is lying, which is most of the time. The sexual nature of things, the constant lying, the setting off the house alarm, the self harming, the playing dumb all.the.time, the need to shock, the overwhelming neediness. I have seen one major improvement though. In the past, H would bolt when escalating and then the police would be involved and it was horrible. This past weekend, H had a meltdown but she didn't run. Didn't even try to. She sat in the backyard and pulled grass for over an hour. Initiated by her. Maybe she felt herself loosing control and was literally grasping at the earth to hold on. Maybe she found it soothing. Maybe she found it releasing. Whatever it was, she was safe, in our yard, and for that - I am thankful!

We are in full-on basic plan mode (Katharine Leslie). I am still adjusting some things but their rooms are bare, the TV is gone (except for times when I need them to watch it), no talking in the car unless initiated by me (I am LOVING this), chores have been taken away, and rules are set across the board. If they don't want to follow them, it's their choice and they know the consequence. Wow. Who knew how Ahhhhhh this could feel. Don't get me wrong, i still want to pull my hair out most days and they didn't turn into little angels, BUT I am no longer asking myself, what do I do? how do I respond? Should they have consequences? It's all laid out now and we all just follow the path. I consequence if they don't abide the set rules. Consequence is no privileges, no family time. Whew! That has done so much for my sanity!