I feel the need to clarify some things, more from my own guilt at venting the past couple of posts. H has some recent behaviors that I am trying to understand how to deal with. She isn't the problem, her behaviors are. As a wise friend described, they are like a gaggle of geese pecking me to death. Even in the midst of all this, H is my child that is most compassionate to my needs. When she senses my frustration, some days, SHE is the one to fix me some tea without my asking, SHE is the one to go above and beyond her chores, SHE is the one to draw me pictures, clean my bathroom, write me little notes, and entertain AE so that I can have a break. I know there are probably other issues stemming these behaviors too but I believe part of that is wanting to take care of me.
H hasn't learned how to control her behaviors but I know I can control mine. I need to remind myself where this all began, to gain control of the situation again, not feel like her sweetness is comparable to a husband bringing flowers after abusing his wife. By that I mean that I will physically flinch/recoil sometimes when she tries to hug me. She is continually wanting to rub my feet or back and I should let her, I should welcome that behavior and not pull away. I am the one who can make quick behavior changes in this relationship, and I shall.
I love you H, my chopsticks, to the moon and back!
4 comments:
The Chinese water torture! I knew you meant the behaviors :) It is tough to control your physical reaction. Good luck!
No need to clarify...we all know how hard it is to deal with this day in and day out. Big hugs.
Heck, I was feeling bad for you because you weren't getting comments or advice on the previous posts... and I'm a reader because we are on the path to adoption of a school aged, foster child. I applaud you for ALL you do for your children. I read these blogs in hopes to a little insight for when we are struggling ourselves someday. Thank you
GB's Mom and Dia - Thanks!!
Jaenkes - You're too sweet! No worries on the comments or lack of, I am so blessed to know some of these RAD mom's IRL and they are only a phone call away with great advice! In the beginning of keeping a blog, I REALLY needed the comments and support. Now I find that they are only part of the great blog world. A couple of others are to vent, to keep track of the chaos, and hopefully I too am helping others know they are not alone. Good luck with your adoption journey and we are all here to help if you need!
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