Well, H is not going to visit my sister as planned. She has just been too....too.....too RAD!
M is still taking control of every conversation, whether he is supposed to be included or not. I really am not sure how to handle his behaviors. Any input would be appreciated!
-Answering for anyone who is asked a question
-Still parenting his siblings
-Very rude to me when not getting his way (talking over me, questioning my parenting ability, etc)
-Lying
-Refusing to confess about stealing at my sister's house
-Need a restitution idea he can do for my sister (we are 6 hours away from her)
-Still finding bottles of pee in his room (refuses to open alarmed door to go to restroom)
This list is getting long...I use sentence writing, extra chores, etc. I guess main question is do I consequence EVERY time he does one of these because it will be every 5 min. I know the answer is yes, I just don't see the good in his escalation. Ahhh! This sucks!
6 comments:
Corey's pile of bricks comes to mind. I find chores with a very visible end that the child has complete control over (Such as moving all the bricks, logs, etc from point A to point B) and not allowing any privileges until it is done can be very effective. It also minimizes the every five minute problem, as if they are alone with a pile of bricks, it is very hard for them to annoy anyone.
I have bricks! And they need to be moved, just said that this morning! Thanks!!
Don't know if any of this will work for you but here's what seemed to work for mine.
Both older kids tried to parent each other and younger ones. I let them parent and put them in charge. It lasted less than a couple of hours and for the most part is gone.
Rudeness and talking over me, questioning my decisions,etc...I walk away EVERY SINGLE TIME. I would only reenter the conversation and if it was important I'd write it out, put it on fridge and NOT engage except in writing with whoever was doing it. For awhile it would happen alot but after a couple of weeks it stopped and I was able to introduce a different strategy (hand over mouth every time I spoke) until the habit changed.
What has worked for us is that instead of "consequencing" each incident we do restitution at a particular time determined by me.So I will announce restitution needs to happen before xyz(watching a movie, family game time, ice cream sundaes after dinner, etc.) and if they don't want to do it we save it for the next restitution time. I keep restitutions short and simple and often attachment building or contributing to family life in some way...
THis stuff can really wear you down so look for strategies that aren't downers for you and that allow him to feel better about who he is in the family. Good luck dear friend.
I suspect that the bottles of pee isn't a RAD issue directly but more either a) disliking or finding distressing the sound of the alarm, b) embarrassment/anxiety at your knowing when he needs the bathroom c) some sort of problem with organising/coordinating the steps of leaving his room, dealing with the alarm/you, getting to the bathroom (one shared between you and the kids?) and actually going pee in time to not wet his pants.
I know it's pretty gross but it's also *only* gross. I'd be very tempted to actually get him some proper urinal bottles (couple of dollars in a big drugstore), show him how to empty/clean them and leave him to it. Hopefully in time he'll decide that peeing in the toilet is preferable, but for now... hmm.
I'm not a mama and I don't have any close connection with a RADlet so please don't give my ideas too much value but hey, if you're out of things to try, might be worth a shot.
Back to friendly lurkerdom,
Becca
Well hey there! Yer back!
You have good suggestions here. I would agree with Dia that the talking over you is a massive control/ power thing. So, I give 5 minute talking time outs. But, I wouldn't be afraid to use a strong deterrent like your bricks either because the interrupting and such is meant to show he is in charge. It's a very dominating thing to do for a boy, imo and fwiw!
Also, I think the pee bottles are totally gross but actually not that bad an idea.
I liked the pee bottle idea, why fight it? I gave him permission as long as he cleans it up daily. I had him move bricks and he called me cruel, LOL. The talking over me and for me is out of control. I need to do SOMETHING!
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