Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Lessons in Action

Last night Miss H runs into the kitchen as AE was turning on the microwave. AE is 4. She loves hotdogs. She knows how to turn on the microwave and turn it off. I have taught her to count to 10 for the hotdog and then take it out. I don't care what she sets the timer on and neither does she. But Miss H needed to rush in there, yelling NO!, and take over the microwave situation. This, in turn, has AE screaming and running to her room. All the while I am standing.right.there. I explain that while I appreciate Miss H being concerned, she just needs to voice that with a "hey Mom, can AE use the microwave?" I went over how her actions weren't the best for the situation and in the future what she should do. Complete MELTDOWN with a slam of her bedroom door shouting "You never loved me as much as her!!" It didn't last long and she came out in a few with an apology. I could tell she still wasn't regulated though. There was no point in talking anymore, I said all that needed to be said. The rest of the evening went without incident and she got up this morning in better spirits. I knew she felt she was helping and I wasn't appreciating her help. I verbalized that to her, that I appreciate it but this is how she could help without a commotion next time. It didn't matter....

M was invited by my mom's neighbor to go camping with him, his son, and a couple of their friends this weekend. I told M that he has no privileges at the moment so no, he can't go. I also stupidly added that the adults would be drinking and I didn't feel this was good supervision. M took this and told the neighbor I said he can't go because I think the neighbor is a drunk. You can imagine how this man's feelings were hurt. We explained to the neighbor that the hurt was directed at me. That M wanted to make ME look and feel bad, not him. I told M that he would need to replace the love and kindness that he had taken (Thanks Christine!), but the neighbor only wants M to tell him the truth. He doesn't want M doing anything for him and I can't force the issue. I was initially worried that M wouldn't feel a consequence for his actions but my mom pointed out that the dynamic with her neighbors would be different for awhile which WILL effect M. The neighbor's son is friends with M and is also upset about what was said about his dad. Understandably. So M will have to deal with those hurt relationships and that is as natural a consequence as it gets. He was visibly upset when he learned he had hurt this man's feelings. I truly hope he learns from this...

7 comments:

Brandy-new rad mom said...

Wow had he not had privileges taken away I would have STILL be funny about letting him go off. Scares the crap out of me. Good thing your neighbor was understanding. What an emabarassing thing to be stuck in.

Good on you for trying to talk them through it and keepiong the dynamic about "choices and consequences". Love Miss H trying to be the parent. Lord have mercy that MUST be every RAD's trait!

Keep pressing on. One day they will realize that we love them all, right?

GB's Mom said...

Being upset about hurting the man's feeling shows great healing. Way to go, Mama!

beemommy said...

Hope that M will "feel the sting" and will say it again, you are an amazing mom!

marythemom said...

Good job Mama!!

If M can't do something for the dad, maybe he can do something for his friend. Doesn't even have to be where the friend knows about it.

Mary in TX

Jenna said...

Hi
My name is Jenna and i came across your site. Your kids, are great kids, and they are fighters. I was born with a rare life threatening disease, developmental delays, and several other issues. I have behavior isses, suspected autsim, depression, Anxiety, stress, melt downs, bipolar and so on. Things are hard for me, as it is for your kids. Also because my dad suffers from bipolar, anxiety, stress, and manic depression, and other issues. It is hard for me to deal with all of my issues and his at the same time. i wish I had someone who is in the simular sitution that I am in so I can talk to them. I love it when people sign my guestbook. www.miraclechamp.webs.com I also suffer from major health issues.

Marlene Gilbert -What is a Split-Site PhD? said...

Kids, they really know how to get your attention. And we as parents would often times overreact almost on everything, don’t you think? I think M can learn from all that happened coz’ he’s a smart kid. So as for Miss H, she’s pretty challenging actually. Hope you’re having a grand time with your kids. Have a nice day!


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Diana Edwards said...

There's always mistake between neighbors, but the issue might be easily solved if there is a clear talk together.

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