M came home from visiting my sister and her family on Sunday. He had been gone for 3 weeks and had a wonderful time. I gave my sister the main rules but didn't give her a list of them. I covered safety...the others I would deal with. I am dealing with them now. She told him to quit asking for something to eat, he could make himself at home as long as no sweets. We have a locked pantry in our home.... He was excited. I will say that my sister called about a week in and told me he requested celery and carrots from her trip to the store because "mom likes me to eat veggies every day." I was so proud of him! He missed me too - had a choice to stay longer and decided to come home. This could be due to many reasons but I like the missed me choice. Checked his suitcase when he got back, fingers crossed, breath held, and there it was. A stolen DVD, an R rated movie, at that. Also some other items worth no monetary value and obvious that he took them just to take them apart as he loves to do with most anything. Also, packed him 6 boxers, only 3 came home and she said he only gave her one pair to wash in the entire 3 weeks. This isn't surprising to me, this is pretty normal and something I have to keep up with at home. I asked him where he had stashed them so she could take care of them quickly. Sometimes, only sometimes, can I ask him things like that with a cut-the-bull and matter of fact tone and he will be honest. Not this time, he doesn't know what happened to them and that DVD?? He didn't even KNOW they had DVDs. The amount of trash in his suitcase was huge! My sister was watching me go through it and she said, "he had a trashcan in his room!" I only laughed, as though he would have thought to actually throw stuff in a trash can! She is so silly! All his socks were dirty, as in worn several times and never washed. They could have walked from Lubbock to San Antonio on their own. 4 of his shorts were never worn and still neatly folded. He sticks with what he likes best and all I had asked was that he not wear the same thing everyday. He changed up between 2 shorts and 3 shirts. I was impressed!
He keeps telling me how he wants to be normal and I was actually thinking of giving a little slack in some areas to test the waters but this has proven he is still not ready. Not ready to visit friend's homes or go places with them. I am so sad. I really wanted this for him too. I have seen so much improvement in the last couple of months. No matter how many times I hear it, I still forget how quickly things can take two steps back.
Anyway, he never missed a beat coming home. He is on H's butt like a fly on poo. I pointed out that everyone was still alive when he got back so he could see I have this parent thing under control - don't need his help, thankyouverymuch! He is pushing limits - testing how glad I am to have him home and maybe I will be easier on him since I missed him or something. The attiTUDE is something I didn't miss nor the way he LOVES to aggravate the baby - I love hearing her scream and his directly after..."what?????" I had gone through his room while he was gone but didn't clean up anything, not even that bottle-o-pee on the bookcase cause it was sealed with a lid. Nor the sheets under the bed...I won't even go there. I did very sweetly ask him to take care of everything, asking one item at a time as he took care of the last. He was at first shocked that those things were even in his room, then irritated as the list kept going, then pissed that I was still smiling. Nothing gets that boy more than to not get mad at him, it is the oddest thing!
There was an accident with the three of them today. M pulling a wagon with the girls in it and it tipped over sending AE face first to the concrete. It looks pretty bad and she will definitely have a black eye tomorrow. Months ago, M would have just froze. Stood there, shut down, and not have reacted as the girls lie there crying. Today. Today he scooped up AE and ran her to me as I was running to meet them. It was an instant reaction. We all came in and after I tended to AE, I found M curled up crying. I asked his feelings and they were of guilt. I watched the whole thing and it was a complete accident. I told him he had done nothing wrong and he answered that he still felt bad that AE had gotten hurt and he would have to live with that forever. Empathy! Guilt! As bad as I felt that he was feeling bad, I wanted to jump for joy! I wanted to take those two emotions out to dinner and a movie and welcome them to my son's world! Plead with them to stick around!
So anyway, happy with the improvements, not surprised with his issues on being back, and somewhat relieved that I am not in such a gray area of his progress anymore. I have my answers, I just wish it could have been better.
3 comments:
It's all great. It's all so very, very, very, very great!
They sound like awesome, wonderful leaps and bounds of progress! Of course, I don't live with him :)
It is better. Much better just remember that when we see progress we see glimmers of how much better it could be and that can get us down. Not saying to settle but use the progress to motivate you to raise the bar and the expectation and the structure.We used to have the clothes problem so I solved it by giving him only two changes of clothes to wear and commenting on how nice it was not to have so much of his laundry to do. It wasn't long before he BEGGED for more clothes so he could change every day and we took it slow. Now we are working on recognizing when something can and should be worn more than once! :-)
Post a Comment